


Arktis

by Mr_Motley



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 08:48:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30052935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mr_Motley/pseuds/Mr_Motley
Summary: 'They're not delusions. Rodney, THEY'RE NOT DELUSIONS. My name is Lt Colonel John Sheppard. Your name is Doctor Rodney McKay; hell, your lab partner's name is Doctor Zelenka! Rodney it's taken our memories! I don't know enough; I don't remember enough, but I'm going to try to contact Atlantis. If I don't come back... you have to remember Rodney.'
Relationships: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	Arktis

In the old world, when a person came of age, they chose a body model and underwent the procedure. Today, the world was long gone; the survivors were sent out in cryogenic stasis, heading for the home ship Arktis. Maybe it was a bug in the system, having to save humanity so last moment that they simply didn't have the time to root out all the technical issues, or maybe it was the virus' reaction to the stasis. Whatever the cause, the survivors woke up scared, lost, all memories wiped. They were stronger against the virus than the humans of the old world, but they were all infected. Best they could do was fight the delusions and keep up with their medications.

Ra was the first R4 model the Arktis had found. R4s, like many of the model fours, were engineers, and innovators. Ra's wave of new survivors had anywhere from fifty to a hundred people; one of which was the squirrely Z4 swearing rapidly across the room.

"Please, Zeus, some of us are trying to save this piece of junk; or do you want humanity to die out here?!" Ra huffed.

"Forgive me for interrupting your constant muttering Ra, but if you'd take more time on life support and less on food replication maybe we could spread the workload out more evenly." Zeus glared. It's tense for a minute before a soft plucking sound accompanied by a soft singing comes from just outside the door. Zeus snickers.  
"It seems your admirer has returned." He teases. Ra rolls his eyes. This J10 model had been trying to get his attention since they arrived, going quickly from awkward and friendly, to lovesick and hopelessly romantic.

"You're serenading me now?" Ra huffs, leaning against the door frame. The J10, Lament, had the decency to look embarrassed.

"Well you don't make it easy to get your attention." Lament grins sheepishly.

"Yes, because I'm exceedingly busy keeping humanity afloat." Ra huffs, motioning his hands to try to keep things moving.

"Still, you've got to eat, right? Have dinner with me." Lament grins. Ra watches him for a long time, but Lament doesn't back down an inch.

"Ten minutes." Ra huffs, and Lament's eyes light up.

\-----------

After that Lament took more liberties; strolling in Ra's office and leaning on the side of Ra's desk, patiently waiting to be acknowledged. Ra would act annoyed, and eventually give in. Secretly he loved the times when Lament would drag him away, finally easing a little between his work. After weeks of this, Ra had even started to rely on it; even started to think maybe he could do the romantic thing too.  
The two lay side by side in a vacant edge of the ship. They could never go to the other floors, of course, but there were still a few places to hide away when the main deck got over whelming. Of course, leave it to a 10 model to know all the best spots.

"Ra," Lament spoke softly, almost worried. Ra turned to look at him, brows furrowed.  
"Have you had any of the delusions?" Lament asked. Ra gaped for a minute.

"Of course not!" Ra sputtered. Delusions were the first sign; if it didn't get better, if the medication didn't take....

"I've had a few." Lament admits.  
"They got better." He adds nervously, but Ra's still worried. It's quiet for a while longer, before Lament continues.  
"They were about you; about us. But they didn't make any sense. Your name was Rodney, and we were in this beautiful city surrounded by ocean, laying out just like this on one of the piers, looking up at the stars."

"It wasn't real." Ra argues, the worry still knotted in his chest.

"Of course not. Still, it was kind of beautiful." Lament watched Ra carefully, the moment soft and melting between them. If they had more time, maybe Ra would have kissed him. He should have.

They didn't speak of the delusions again, although they only had another week together. Their last day was too normal.

"That J10 asked me to give you this." Zeus huffed the next morning, throwing an envelope at Ra's desk. Ra grunted in a sort of thanks, finishing his typing before opening the letter impatiently. He felt the room shift, eyes widening as that grip of worry seemed to lodge in his throat.

'They're not delusions. Rodney, THEY'RE NOT DELUSIONS. My name is Lt Colonel John Sheppard. Your name is Doctor Rodney McKay; hell, your lab partner's name is Doctor Zelenka! Rodney it's taken our memories! I don't know enough; I don't remember enough, but I'm going to try to contact Atlantis. If I don't come back... you have to remember Rodney.' Ra shoved the letter in his pocket with shaking hands, running before he could rationalize it. He should have known, he should have reported it! Lament was losing it; he... Ra felt sick.

\----------

Lament never came back. Ra kept up his work, numbly moving through the next few months. He tried to move on, he knew he had to. He was eating alone at the mess when one of the survivors from the new wave sat across from him.

"It's Ra, right?" The man asked, and Ra felt his blood run cold. A J10. They found another J10. Ra stood instantly, not letting himself meet the eyes of the other man. 

He closed the door of his office behind him, trying desperately not to break down.

Lament was gone. Dead. Ra let himself think the word he had avoided using. Dead. Dead. Dead. 

It wasn't the last time the new J10 tried to get his attention. Ra expertly avoided him at all costs, even when he'd reach his office and find bouquets of paper flowers waiting for him.  
Ra laid in the vacant area Lament had shown him so long ago now. He stared at the ceiling, focusing on the hum and grind of the engine. He could almost feel Lament there with him.

"Are you avoiding me?" The J10 asked, and Ra went cold.

"Yes." He huffed, but found he didn't have the energy to say any more.

"Do you even know my name?" The J10 asked.

"You're a J10; I don't need to know your name." Ra said, purposely not letting himself look over.

"Ouch; come on, I must have chose this model for a reason other than human light switch. I'm sure it's got plenty of perks." He grins cheekily. 

"Fine. What's your name." Ra humors.

"Icarus. Nice to finally meet you." 

"Ok, Icarus, You're trying to date me, it's inappropriate." Ra huffs.

"People date, Ra, what's inappropriate about it?" Icarus asks, a teasing nervous smirk tugging at his lips. Ra lets the silence drag on for a while, before answering tightly.

"I knew a J10." Ra explains, and hopes it's all he has to say.

"And?" Icarus prompts

"And that means I'd like you to leave me alone." Ra sits up to glare at the J10; it's the first time he had really looked at him. Ra's eyes widened, his heart closing. It wasn't just the J10 voice, the appearance. Icarus was leaning against the railing not far from him, one ankle over the other, arms crossed, and eyebrow up unfazed. God, he looked just like him. Ra stumbled to his feet, near hyperventilating as he rushed out the room.  
"I can't do this."

\---------

Ra locked himself in his office for the next week, making Zeus swear every time he had to unlock the door to get in.

"You do not need to keep this locked, you know, I believe whatever you said to that J10 got through to him. He has been sulking in the cafeteria for what feels like days." Zeus explains, throwing a meal bar onto Ra's desk. Ra stops typing, letting out a shaking breath.

"He looks just like him, Zeus." Ra breathes out, more real than anything Zeus has heard him say before.

"Duplicate models happen, Ra. They have people you can talk to about this." 

"I don't need a therapist." Ra huffs. 

\---------

Ra doesn't see the J10 for a long time after that. It had been two weeks, when Ra finally reread the letter Lament had given him the day he vanished. Ravings of a madman about to die. Ra cried, and for once, he let himself feel every moment of it.  
It didn't surprise him when he awoke from dreams of a crystal city in the middle of the ocean; of laying under the stars with the man he could have loved.

\---------

Ra notices the J10 in the background every now and then. Over the next few months, he notices a lot. Icarus seems to be alone whenever Ra sees him. It's not unusual, but it makes it makes it all the more strange when Ra starts to hear the rumors; people say he's sick. Ra can feel the weight in his stomach all week, which is probably why when Ra goes to grab his meal bar from the cafeteria, he bee lines it for Icarus' table.

"What are you doing?" Ra seethed. Icarus stares at him for a moment.

"Eating." He defends finally, but the food on his tray has been mashed more than eaten.

"Do you know people think you're sick? You really shouldn't skip any meals." Ra huffs, crossing his arms defiantly.

"I'm not sick, and I am eating." Icarus replies, taking a bite to prove his point.

"There are rumors that you've been saying weird things." Ra huffs. 

"Well I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable-" 

"Not me! Other people! What have you been asking people?" Ra asks, his insistent whispering making Icarus' eyes roll.

"Rodney, for fucks sake, I'm not asking anyone anything weird, and I'm not sick." Icarus huffs, focusing on his food more. Ra is frozen.  
"Why do you even care, anyways?" Icarus continues, seemingly oblivious.

"What did you just call me." Ra asks cautiously, still half frozen.

"What? I don't, why? What'd I say?" Icarus asks, and Ra can't breathe. He doesn't explain this time, just leaves without a word.

\-----------

Rodney. Ra took a shaking breath. It wasn't possible. Clearly he misheard; it was just the grief messing with his mind. He took out the letter again, late that night when he was finally alone.

'They're not delusions. Rodney, THEY'RE NOT DELUSIONS.'

He dreams of gun fire, explosions, and John yelling his name. 

\----------

He knows he's losing his mind. It's the grief, he's sure. He's never heard of the virus showing two people a shared delusion. He hides it best he can, but the more time goes on, the more he sees it everywhere. Strangers in the cafeteria now look like friends he hasn't seen in ages, the hum of the ship now feels strange and foreign like he's starting to feel homesick for how Lament's city would hum. He almost calls Zeus Zelinka one day, and honestly, that's the moment he knows he has to do something.  
But he's laying in that vacant area two days later before he sees it. Lament brought him here when he started getting sick. Lament knew Rodney would be next. The door was so obvious. Finally, he knows what he has to do.  
That night in his room, Rodney sets up a recording. 

"Hey Zeus. I, uhm. I know you've been worried about me. And thanks, for that. I'm setting this message to send on a timer, but hopefully I'll be back to attach some real proof first." Ra takes an unsteady breath.  
"Your name is Doctor Radek Zelinka." Rodney starts grimly.  
"My name is Doctor Rodney McKay." He hesitates before saying what he needs to say.  
"J10; either J10's name is Lt Colonel John Sheppard. There are others we know onboard, but I don't know them now. Teyla, Ronnon, and Major Lorne; I've seen them around.  
Of course, maybe Lament and I really do have some kind of shared delusion; except Icarus called me Rodney; on some level he knows, Zeus." Ra sighed, running his hands over his face.  
"Maybe I am sick. Maybe..." he trails off.  
"But I need to know for sure. With any luck I'll have more to add before this sends." Ra cuts off the recoding setting it up before trying to get a few hours of sleep. He'd grab everything he needs when he wakes.

\----------

The door isn't hard to hack open, it barely takes thirty seconds. Still, he hesitates, not closing the door behind him as he stares at the spiraling staircase.  
"Ok. Would Lament have gone up or down?"

"Depends what he was looking for." Icarus shrugs, and Ra nearly jumps out his skin.

"What are you doing here?" Ra hisses.

"You've been acting weird, I was worried." Icarus defends.

"You don't even know me!" 

"Please, like you've never had a crush before." He huffs.  
"So are we going up or down?" He continues impatiently. Ra adjusts his gear for a moment consideringly.

"Lament was going to try to contact someone." Ra explained.

"So if I were him, I'd go up." 

"So what's down then?" Ra asked uncertaintly.

"Best guess? Dungeons and secret laboratories." Icarus replies easily.

"Yeah, haha." Ra grumbles, but starts on his way down.  
"We just need some proof to bring back, the key phrase being bring back, so don't get caught." Ra explains in hushed tones as they make their way down. 

The next door they come to takes longer to hack into, but not by much. The door swishes open, and Ra shines his flashlight in it, both men not making a move to enter.

"Spooky." Icarus finally whispers, easing the tension a bit before he leads the way in. It's dusty. Abandoned. Machines hum and whirl around them, but with no trace of upkeep.

"Ok, clearly not what we're looking for, I vote we go down another flight." Ra almost squeaks.

"Rodney," Icarus whispers over his shoulder, motioning to the edge of the room, where a large interface was set up. The slip of name doesn't even faze Ra this time.  
"Looks like something that might speak your language." Icarus explains. When they get to the large computer, Ra plugs in his tablet, typing frantically.

"Oh my god, this is it; Lament was right." Ra gaped, downloading as fast as he can.  
"We need to get to the lowest level." Ra explains.

"Not tonight. You said we were here to get proof, and to bring it back." Icarus argues. 

"And we are, but I can bring you back!" Ra almost yells, hands shaking. Icarus shushes him.

"We'll come back tomorrow, ok? But do you really think we should take whatever risk you're suggesting right now?" Icarus whispers back harshly. Ra is stuck.  
'Yes.' Is all he can feel, but he knows, it'll be less risky to try tomorrow. He nods numbly, and lets Icarus lead him back out the door, up the stairs, and back to where they can breath freely.

"Promise you'll meet me here tomorrow." Icarus almost asks.

"I will." Ra promises easily. He knows what he needs to do; he knows what he can do. He can bring the man he almost loved back; after all, he was standing right there, he just didn't remember yet.

Rodney attached the downloaded files to his message to Zeus. He took a breath before recording again.

"We went to one of the lower levels." He starts.  
"I've attached all the files I could get from it, so, make of it what you will." Ra's hesitant.  
"There are no models, Zeus. They take the people who start to remember, and they reset them. They took our memories; all of ours. Icarus is Lament, Zeus, I can help him remember. He's not dead, Zeus." Ra laughs painfully to himself.  
"He's not dead, I just have to show him." 

Ra meets Icarus in the same area the next morning, impatiently leading the way. Icarus looks more worn, but follows Ra without a word. The staircase seems to descend forever, until finally they reach the last door. Ra hacks the door just as quick, but it doesn't open.

"Probably just needs a shove." Icarus offers, before wedging past, and prying the door enough to slip through.  
"You coming?" He whispers back through the gap. Ra sighs, but squeezes himself through after. This floor seemed just as deserted as the last, but the files Ra had pulled were clear; he would find the device here, then he could restore Lament's memories. 

"I'm guessing this is what you're looking for." Icarus notes, looking up at the large machine.

"This is it." Ra marvels.  
"Ok, get in." He continues, but Icarus looks at him like he's grown a new head.

"Excuse me?" Icarus huffs.

"Get in. I can't exactly do much until you do."

"Look, Ra, I'm willing to trust you probably more than I should, but this?" Icarus looks over the chamber hesitantly.

"You called me Rodney; multiple times now; it's the same name Lament used. Get in, and I can show you." Ra insisted definitively. Icarus stares him down for a minute, before turning back to the machine.

"God help me, I trust you." Icarus huffed, climbing into the chamber.  
"Ok, now what?" Icarus asks nervously.

"Just hang on," Ra muttered, typing frantically, and begging for the machine to Just Turn On! It lit up, glowing and buzzing around Icarus, until it seemed to pressurize, and Icarus stumbled back out.  
"Lament! Lament, do you remember?" Ra asked almost frantically.

"Yeah." Icarus laughed a short and pained laugh.  
"Yeah, buddy, I remember everything."

"Oh thank god." Rodney breathes out, closing the distance between them instantly, finally kissing Lament the way he knew he should have so many months ago. Lament pulls back first.

"Maybe, maybe you should get your memories first." Lament says softly, clearing his throat.

"No time, come on, we have to get back before we get caught." Ra started, already unplugging his tech.

"Rodney; there's no one to catch us. It's all automated." Lament explains. Ra watches him for a moment.

"What?"

"It's automated. I think it's some sort of Ancient Ark; some way of saving what humans they could, and hiding them from the wraith." He continues, but Ra doesn't understand.

"Ok, ok, fine. My turn, then." He replies, trusting Lament. Ra plugs his tech back in, shows Lament what to do, then gets into the chamber.

The memories flood in, flooring him. Atlantis, John. Oh god he just kissed him. Rodney steps out, feet a little unsure.

"You good?" Sheppard asks softly.

"Yeah, yes." Rodney answers stiffly, motioning for John to hand over his tech. Rodney busies himself by detaching the tech, doing his best not to freak out. When he runs out of distractions, he turns back to John, who is watching him with a frown.

"So what now?" He asks Rodney softly.

"Look, we just need to get the others down here, find a planet with a star gate, and contact Atlantis." Rodney explains. John rolls his eyes.

"Oh sure, sounds easy."

**Author's Note:**

> Don't know that I'll ever finish this, but hopefully there's enough here to be an enjoyable read :)


End file.
